"As requested, I have unearthed Siphuncle's 1847 work, entitled 'Gastropod Tricker Nude Study'. I must say that I find it somewhat beguiling.
A 35 year old cherubic ruffian erotically tickles an owl. This metophorically represents something or other. The owl doesn't want to be in the picture, preferring instead to be at home eating strawberry ice-cream and watching the X Factor. A stuffed jay is nailed to the wall behind. The jay would not normally be impressed by the seraphim oik's display of turpitude, but to be honest, it's dead, so what do you expect?
You may notice (or maybe you didn't) that there are no gastropods depicted in the painting. They were tricked by Siphuncle into appearing in a different painting by a different artist who was actually a sculptor and not actually a painter and possibly not even actually a sculptor. The gastropods were never seen again. Perhaps they preferred it that way, the dirty little beggars.
The butterflies were not painted by Siphuncle, but were later added by an unknown artist at the request of the painting's former owner, Lady Penelope-Antelope Whitwednesday de Manacle. Dental x-rays have since shown the horrors hidden beneath. The butterfly on the left conceals the twisted face of Jonathan Agnew in full spasm, and the butterfly on the right hides a recipe for food (and a tiny willy). In hindsight, you can't really blame Lady de Manacle for her bespoilment of the Siphuncle picture - you too would have done the same.
What do I win?"
HA HA Ha Ha Ha, what do I win and better luck next time!!! It's difficult not to laugh in relief that this painting has finally come into consciousness. There's very little to say. Dr Ironic-Thrust has said all that is needed. I will simply add one word:
Winky
And leave it at that. Now to finish I shall review one last painting which always was. Here Prof Atrium brings it to us:
A Worm Eats Part of His Head (1856, or just before the Shipping Forecast)
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"This work was expanded from its original, which can be seen in the view from the window above the female figure's left shoulder. This small landscape is the infamous Seaside Inside (1899), Siphuncle's very first attempt at a metaphorical philoso-rubbing.
He decided to expand upon the original after a family friend was found dead on Cromer putting green, in several pieces, none of them entirely himself.
The two figures in the painting are Siphuncle's step-half-uncle, 'Chunky' Boris Munky and his three-quarter aunt, two-thirds mother, nine-tenths sister, Wisteria 'Chesty' Gobcheese. They are pictured as a prostitute and her prospective client, or 'worm' as they used to be called. The venue is an old 'head' shop, of the kind no longer found, which were popular in that they were. The 'worm' is attempting to pay the prostitute in potato crisps - Doritos and Walker's Salt n' Beefpepper, to be exact. Siphuncle lived on a diet of these crisps for many minutes. Pomegranate. Grapes. Bread.
The animals hanging on the back wall were all alive when painted and have presumably been imported by Siphuncle from the future, being as they were part of the famous 1950s Jazz ensemble, The Speaking Larks. The 'Larks were not only the first non-human Jazz ensemble ever to play Ronnie Plop's 'Plop Club de Filth', but were the only one to be their own instruments. Just visible is the group's bass throat, Harry, alongside the soprano octagon, Miranda Kleb. The others sit above, with Jesus. The large flintlock firearm upended at the rear used to belong to Siphuncle's earwax tutor, Imridris Hemlock, who would employ it to remove particularly stubborn clods, together with clients' brains.
The painting was kindly donated by force."
Yes, and it really did. Fantastic work talking about that painting there Prof Atrium. You can see why he is a professor. You can't make it up if it wrote itself could you?
Well, and now next time there it will all be about his inventions as per previous blogisode. I hope you look forward to enjoying it.
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