Siphuncacillin - the Betamax of Antibiotics

Hello, Happy New Year (depending on what day it is - I am assuming it is not Easter yet?) and better luck next time. I am here again to discuss the further inventions of the Reverend. I will discuss three here.

Uhunium (Uh)

What would have been element 109 in the periodic table of chemical elements was tragically refused entry on a technicality. However, Uhunium being the first ever adhesive gas, has found itself glued into the hearts of all Siphuncle devotees. On the day he discovered Uhunium his cat was sick, his first and third wives left him, and a dead heron landed on his Ford Type A causing a heron shaped dent that could never be successfully removed. Uhunium was the light that shone on a dismal day for Fanoire Siphuncle, and despite causing his hand to be glued to his favourite mug, became a talisman for false hope in the face of moderate misfortune.

Not many know much about anything about this infamous element. As a first and only example of an adhesive gas it was immediately banned upon its discovery by the discoverer himself (a self-censoring habit that never left him). A few grams of gas were capable of glueing the eyelids shut on one of Siphuncle's experimental homing pigeons and its potency was clear as clay. To this day it is not clear what became of the tiny dripplings of Uh that were produced and that were. I have some but I'm not telling anyone. Go away.


Siphuncacillin

Siphuncle's version of penicillin was his "Betamax" moment (in fact he had quite a lot of Betamax moments). Discovered days after penicillin Siphuncle's version was, much like the Betamax analogy, better in every way than its competitor. Also, much like the analogy, due to manufacturing limitations a clinically effective dose of Siphuncacillin was much larger than his competitor's, in fact a single tablet was ironically the same size as a Betamax video recorder, though they were not to know that then. Almost impossible to swallow it was a marketing disaster. Patients were issued with knives and forks but there was no real hope for it and the product died as did most of his patients. Widespread antibiotic resistance (resistance mainly to swallowing them) put the final nail in the coffin for siphuncacillin.

The Inner Scratcher

A superb idea that never saw the light of day the Inner Scratcher was designed to scratch anything and everything that could be felt inside but not touched with human hand or foot or tooth. The device was three feet long and comprised a length of supercooled x-ray particles inside a wooden cane. Not very convincing you hear yourself say? Well I didn't hear you. The proof of the eating of the pudding is in the observation of the pudding eater eating the proof of the pudding. And I've seen that happening with my very eyes. I have seen it!!!

Now no more until next time and better luck next time. Happy nude years!